Confronted by an all-new Daihatsu Materia, the interested observer finds all manner of relevant questions crowding his or her mind, with varying degrees of urgency, not least, "What in the name of sweet Mary and the baby Jesus is that?"
Well, it's a small, MPV-style hatchback, seating five, is the simple answer, though that only begins to hint at an explanation for this courageous Japanese design amalgamation, an adventure in styling that surely makes the Materia the most brazenly unusual car to hit British roads since the SsangYong Rhodius. Which is going some, because the Rhodius (unfairly voted the UK's Ugliest Car, 2006) looks like a bungalow that has been hit by a prop plane.
The Materia, on the other hand... Well, help me out here. I'm getting hints of Chinese-built dishwasher and Depression-era America, with a distinct top note of Russian space programme and a strong aftertaste of Wacky Races. Remember the Ant Hill Mob? Didn't they drive something like this? Something like the middle third of it, anyway.
That low, wraparound back end, though - that would be the boot off a Chrysler PT Cruiser, wouldn't it? The gristle-chewing front end, on the other hand, is pure Hummer. Especially taken in tandem with the tinted rear windows. Rappers are going to love this car - retired ones, who've left rapping behind and gone on to lead innocent family lives involving school runs near Winnersh.
This column thoroughly approves of Daihatsu. It may almost be this column's favourite marque. How can you not love a company that produces the Copen - a tiny sports car that sports an electric roof and looks like something that may have been used to smuggle defectors past the Berlin Wall and costs not much more than you pay for the Gold programme at the car wash?
Daihatsu is (like Bugatti, in a way) a rare example of a modern car maker that exists almost purely to produce mad cars. Not mad in some self-conscious, wilfully quirky way - just mad. But unlike a Bugatti, a Daihatsu won't cost you £850,000. Indeed, try to spend that in a Daihatsu dealership and you end up owning the entire UK operation. (I'm guessing here.)
The Materia is a classic car in the noble Daihatsu tradition. It has an achingly meaningless name, yes, but it has an engine that goes, relatively comfy seats and a proper gear stick - a three feet-tall stem, coming out of the floor, with a ball on the top. Seeking third from fifth was like playing crazy golf, albeit without the windmill and laughing clown's head.
And you can't argue with the build quality. I slammed the driver's door a couple of times and nothing fell off. Not one thing. I wouldn't have complained if something had dropped off. At these prices, I was grateful to have a door to slam.
I bet it's safe, too. Safe-ish, anyway. Certainly, in any collision with a squirrel, the squirrel is going to come off worse. I can almost guarantee that. Unless, perhaps, the squirrel shunts you from behind. But that's not going to happen, is it?
And here's something else: almost nobody is going to buy this car. They won't have the nerve. They'll opt for one of the 570 or so other, perfectly conventional and slightly more expensive cars in this area of the market. Which means you get a bargain and a fashion statement all in one. Result.
Daihatsu Materia
Price £10,495
Top speed 106mph
Acceleration 0-60 in 10.8 seconds
Average consumption 39.2mpg
CO2 emissions 169g/km
Eco rating 7/10
Bound for Berkshire
In a word Wild
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